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Dynamics of Parenting Styles






Cynthia Amaka Obiorah




Copyright 2017 Cynthia Amaka Obiorah

Published by Paperworth Books at Smashwords




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Content

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter 1 Children Need Parents

Chapter 2 Authoritarian Parenting Style

Chapter 3 Authoritative Parenting Style

Chapter 4 Permissive Parenting Style

Chapter 5 Neglectful Parenting Style

Chapter 6 Impact of Authoritarian Parenting

Chapter 7 Impact of Authoritative Parenting

Chapter 8 Impact of Permissive Parenting

Chapter 9 Impact of Neglectful Parenting

Chapter 10 Reflections

References

Acknowledgements

About the Author

The place, events and characters in the illustrative aspects of this book are all fictitious. Any similarities to actual places, situations, events or characters living or dead are coincidental.



Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

- Proverbs 22:6.




Foreword


The author of this book Mrs. Cynthia Amaka Obiorah is an accomplished Occupational Health and Safety professional, a mother, a loving wife, a marriage counselor and an advocate of effective parenting. Her book focuses on the benefits of effective parenting and how this will have a positive impacts on the family and the larger society. She emphasises the fact that parenting goes beyond being a biological parent and that proper parenting is an uphill task and a full time job and as such requires a lot of patience, wisdom and sacrifice.

The importance of communication in successful parenting cannot be over emphasised. If there is improper communication, conflicts are bound to arise between the parents and the children especially the adolescents. If parents fail to model the child in the way and fear of God, they may lose them to societal deceivers and destiny destroyers. This will spell doom to the society and lead to increasing moral decadence.

A very noteworthy aspect of this book is that the author clearly states that it is the responsibility of parents to meet their children’s every need.  Some parents actually think it is the duty of teachers and spiritual leaders to instill the child’s moral values. When the parents fail in this respect, the children lose their self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

It was enlightening to discover that parenting styles are numerous and that each of them have an impact on the children’s present and future behaviors as these children in turn tend to use the same parenting styles they were raised with when they become parents.

The author has written an interesting and easily understood book by relating it to real life situations.

This book would be of immense value to parents, would be parents and other caregivers as they seek to nurture and develop a future generation that will make us proud. More grease to the elbow of the author.

Dr. Atiemie Braide-Lolomari

Medical expert and family counselor.



Introduction

The love and romance between couples may come and go but the love and bond between a parent and child is one of the strongest connections that exists in human nature. Parenting is beyond making and birthing a baby. It is an encompassing responsibility that includes the process of nurturing, caring, instructing, educating, supporting and rearing the total well-being of the child. To do this successfully, parents need to identify and cater to the physicalemotional, mental, spiritual, financial, social, psychological and intellectual needs of their children, from conception to adulthood.

Parenting is not restricted to one’s biological offspring alone, but also includes the raising of every child within your sphere of responsibility and influence either in extended family settings or through foster arrangements. The popular bible verse in Proverbs 22:6 refers to ‘a’ child and not specifically your child, signifying that the responsibility of parenting need not necessarily stem from a biological responsibility alone.

Children as human beings arrive here with their own distinct personalities and characteristics exhibiting their independent minds which are often imaginative and creative with strong desires for self-expression and exploration. Therefore, raising them properly can seem like an uphill task for parents especially because they do not come with a manufacturer’s handbook or any manuals stipulating guidelines and sets of instruction on how to use or operate, switch off, reboot, reset, or troubleshoot them. Parents therefore have to figure out on their own on how best to rear their children so that they are equipped to live and fully function independently in their world. The responsibility of this role should surpass existing cultures and trends especially because scientific identification of what children need for development has not changed much over time. While there is a tendency for parents to strive for perfection as they raise their children, this may not be possible as studies have shown that over parenting just like under parenting have produced behavioural problems in children. Therefore it is advisable that all parents aim for a balance in raising their children.

This book therefore, seeks to explore existing narratives on how best one can raise strong and balanced children who are able to succeed in the world they find themselves in. The book explores the subject from the perspective of the role of the parents and then investigates the different styles of parenting, buttressing their impact on child development with a few fables that illustrate the principles.

It is hoped that the information shared in this book will encourage parents and all care-givers to devote the love, time, attention and instruction needed to adequately rear their children and wards to be well balanced and successful individuals.

Chapter 1

Children Need Parents


Parenting is not a part-time job, it is a full time one because a child needs their parents’ qualitative and quantitative love, time, attention and direction. At the right times, these go a long way in making them feel satisfied and fulfilled. However, as the child grows and these needs are not met by their parents, they will look for it somewhere else, often from the wrong people, in the wrong places and in the wrong ways. They will look for it from teachers and from their friends and may even wish that some other people were their parents. This in turn can lead to the child developing negative behavioural traits and attitudes as a result of not being properly trained. The parents often realise this late as precipitated by an impromptu nasty act of their child and at such a stage, they then seek to engage in damage control or restorative parenting.

Restorative or damage control parenting can often fail because they employ last minute initiatives of an investment of time, attention, money and other efforts in exponential multiples which may not deal with root problems of the child’s misbehaviour. The problems would not at all exist if such initiatives were implemented steadily in the child’s life from early on. The dire consequence of this damage control attitude is that the child may not only stray away from their destiny because of under developed potentials, but they could worse still pose a danger to the society at large and threat to the life of the parent who failed in this all-important, priority-deserving and God-given assignment.

One of the most important skills a parent should have is the ability to understand and communicate with their child. Proper communication is very important in recognising and understanding when the child really needs attention and when the child does not. As important as communication is in parenting, it is one of the most difficult things to do, especially when it comes to parenting of adolescent children. This occurs because the adolescent child is seeking to understand, explore and experiment with their environment as led by their distinct personality. This often results in conflicts with their parents and if not managed properly can lead to their reticence, thereby creating or widening communication gaps, deepening conflicts at home, estrangement and even losing the child to the waiting arms of societal deceivers and destiny destroyers.

It is therefore advisable that parents adopt positive and enduring communication tools such as empathy, tactical curiosity, availability and accord their children due respect. Also, parents need to encourage free flow of expression of feelings with their children, be realistic and practical in illustrations of emotional needs and avoid the tendency to be too judgemental or be repulsed. This is because, we all need communication, to be heard, understood, given attention and most importantly, to feel love.

Children are ever so inquisitive and thirsty for knowledge, therefore, they are learning at all stages. They learn by watching, observing and internalising what they see their parents do. They also copy what they see and hear from others, both adults and children in their environment. It is important that as they grow and learn, parents should realise environmental influences and be ready to guide accordingly because it is the responsibility of the parents to meet their child’s needs and those needs are fairly similar irrespective of colour, race, religion or even geographical location of the child.

A child’s every need is to be supplied, ranging from food, warmth, clothing, shelter and protection from harm, their Physical Needs. The need to feel loved, secure, cared for and supported, Emotional Needs. There is also the need to engage with their community by interacting and playing with the parents, peers and other relations Social Need. Lastly, the need to feel capable and competent with positive self-esteem that enables the child to aspire to attain any potential including reaching for the stars and moon Psychological Needs.

It is the duty of the parent to ensure that their children are safe and secure, kept from physical, emotional and sexual abuses which are quite rampant these days. Proper house-keeping is essential for the safety of the growing child. This is achieved by removing and keeping unsafe objects out of the reach of the child and taking safety precaution in the installation and use of domestic appliances such as electric, gas and heat cables and wires. Installation of smoke detectors is important in the home as much as keeping the floor free of tripping and slipping hazards contributing to making the home safe for the child.

Some children raised in different environments can later grow up to dramatically have remarkably similar or almost same personalities and conversely, those born of the same parent, who share a home and are raised in the same way and similar environment can grow up to have very different and indeed opposite personalities. Some children raised by authoritarian parents sometimes turn out as though they were raised by permissive parents in their attitude and general approach to life. This demonstrates what psychologists and researchers agree that there is a very strong connection between parenting dynamics and the impacts these have on children because all children need to be parented as this has a direct effect on how they turn out. Parenting dynamics encompass communication styles, corrective and disciplinary strategies, warmth and nurturing and expectations of maturity and control.

A theory presented by a leading psychologist, Diana Baumrind in the 1960s is the Pillar Theory, which draws relationships between basic parenting styles and children's behaviour. After studying how children and parents relate in the home, Baumrind came up with three major parenting styles which are discussed in detail and form the basis of principles presented in this books. The parenting styles are as follows:

  • Authoritarian Parenting Style which is also referred to as hard parenting.

  • Permissive Parenting Style which is also referred to as soft parenting.

  • Authoritative Parenting Style which is also referred to as just right parenting.

  • Uninvolved or Neglectful Parenting Style which is the fourth parenting style and was later added by other experts, Macorby and Martin. This is referred to as bad parenting.


Why different Parenting Styles?

These different styles of parenting have an impact on the child’s development and it has been agreed that the authoritative parenting is the style most recommended as it has been proven to produce joyous, respectful and capable children with good self-esteem when applied.

Parenting styles differ from family to family. Some major reasons why they differ are because of the influences of the individual personality and orientation of the parents, their culture, family size, parental and religious backgrounds, social influences and circumstances, social and economic status, educational level and geographical location. Another important variable is the child's temperament as this can have a significant impact on how the child receives the parenting style.

There are some exceptions with parenting styles where the expected child outcomes do not happen as intended. Parents with authoritative styles could have children who are incompetent with low self-esteem or who engage in delinquent acts, while parents with permissive styles will have children who are self-confident and academically successful and even respectful and law-abiding.

Another factor that cannot be underestimated is the God factor. You cannot say because you are practicing the Authoritative style of parenting and expect that all will automatically be well for you. God is the main factor to ensure that you raise up a good, joyful, capable, obedient, content, competent, wise and intelligent child. The child must be raised early in the fear and love of God. The child must be taught and brought up in a godly and prayerful home. If you teach your child the love and fear of God, and a reverence of the word of God early, the child would grow up in the wisdom and understanding of God through His word. As such, the child would be taught to love others by being honest, respectful, responsible, and caring for them through God’s spirit of patience, tolerance and forgiveness.


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