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He Molested Kids


Copyright © 2017 by Francis Bass

All rights reserved.


This play is copyright protected. All rights, including rights to performance of any kind, are strictly reserved, unless written permission is granted by the author. For inquiries concerning performance rights, contact Francis Bass at FrancisRBass@gmail.com.


Title and subtitle font “Flanker Griffo” by Studio Di Lena

Byline font “Lusitana” by Ana Paula Megda


Distributed by Smashwords.



Table of Contents


Characters and Setting

He Molested Kids

Afterword



Characters


DAN

Male. 21. Friends with Brotz and Mike. Has a shaved head or buzzcut.


MIKE

Male. 20. Has a shaved head or buzzcut.


BROTZ

Male. 21. Full name Michael Brotz. Has a full head of hair.


LYDIA

Female. 20. New to their friend group.


Setting


A lounge on the campus of the college that all of the characters attend. Present.



A table sits at center, with four chairs around it. DAN and MIKE sit upstage, close together. BROTZ and LYDIA sit at stage left and right respectively. DAN and MIKE are conferring, looking at MIKE’s phone.


BROTZ

He molested kids. That’s the verdict.


LYDIA

I thought that was a joke.


BROTZ

Yeah, hilarious.


DAN

To MIKE.

Yeah, so Jack is down to be a DD.


LYDIA

No, because I heard someone else say it, earlier. I thought they were joking.


MIKE

That’s two.


DAN

That’s four.


BROTZ

No. It’s. Well, he hasn’t been convicted, obviously no one’s going to convict the savior of the Earth, but it’s pretty much …


MIKE

Who are the others?


BROTZ

You know, it’s pretty much certain.


DAN

I just went over this.

To BROTZ.

And no, it’s not certain.


BROTZ

What, are you one of those Fifth Prophet weirdos?


DAN

I’m not, but I know that it’s not certain.


BROTZ

How do you know? The only people who know are those kids. Unless … did he touch you, Dan?


DAN

Beat.

Anyway—


MIKE

Who are the others? There’s Jack and Steven …


DAN

Ella and May. We’ve been over this. We’ll have enough.


MIKE

I just don’t want to … you know, it would be terrible, if something happened. But you’re right. Most of everybody’s crashing at your place, right?


BROTZ

So yeah. Like, thirteen kids have come forward, that were in the monastery.


DAN

I think …


LYDIA

Jesus. How … so, like, statutory …


BROTZ

I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, if not—if it was consensual, somehow, it was definitely statutory rape.


DAN

I think there’s fifteen people that are staying over.


BROTZ

At the time, most of the kids were around twelve years old.


MIKE

So thirteen people need rides?


Pause.


BROTZ

So.


DAN

Where did you get thirteen from?


MIKE

Well there’s … thirty people coming right?


DAN

Why don’t you leave the math to me?


LYDIA

But no one’s going to convict him.


BROTZ

Fuck no. He’s the savior of the world. He could probably rape everyone at this table and it wouldn’t matter.


DAN

Brotz, can you not talk about rape for a few seconds?


BROTZ

A mock aside to LYDIA.

Dan’s really upset because he just bought twelve Dawa the Savior T-shirts, and he realizes he’s gonna look like a tool if he ever wears them.


LYDIA laughs, and tries to stifle it.


DAN

Okay, are you done with that?


BROTZ

Are you actually bothered by me talking about it?


DAN

No, but we have more important things.

He checks his phone to look up the guest list.


BROTZ

Yeah, like how many people are coming to a party.


MIKE

Yeah, exactly.


BROTZ

Sarcasm.


MIKE

Huh?


BROTZ

I was being sarcastic, Mike.


MIKE

Oh. But, you’re, really, you’re right. It is important, because we need to know how people are going to get home safely.


BROTZ

To LYDIA.

True story this time—Mike smashed someone’s … gold-plated mailbox with his car, and ended up paying a thousand dollars. Right?


MIKE

Twelve hundred. Because I was a little tipsy, and I just kept backing up to turn around.


BROTZ

Yeah. I don’t know what the deal was, but that was an expensive-ass mailbox.


BROTZ cracks up. LYDIA gives him a chuckle.


LYDIA

Ok. Was there a point to that story?


BROTZ

Well now he’s like, the Smokey the Bear of sober driving. He’s always trying to make sure there’s a designated driver, or people get cabs, or whatever.


MIKE

Well, shouldn’t I be?


DAN

Putting away his phone.

There’s thirty-six people going.


Pause.


MIKE

So we—


DAN

So we need another DD. Or people can just get cabs.


BROTZ

No way. People will not get cabs. They will say they’re really good at driving drunk, and then they’ll run over every mailbox in the god damn city.


DAN

No, they won’t. They know better than that.


BROTZ

But they won’t when they’ve been partying all night. I’m with Mike on this.


MIKE

Are you with me enough that you’ll drive people home?


BROTZ

In spirit.


MIKE

You’ll drive people in spirit?


DAN

I’ll drive them. Okay? So no matter how many extra people we have, I’ll—


MIKE

But it’s your place. No, one of us should—


DAN

It’s fine. I don’t want anyone in the news the next morning. I can probably take up whoever isn’t staying and whoever doesn’t have another ride home.


MIKE

But it’s your party. Don’t you want to … party?


DAN

Sure, but I’m not going to, because that’s not how things have worked out.


MIKE

Well, uh, thanks. So how many—


LYDIA

Uh, if you guys are just going to talk about this—

She readies herself to stand up and leave.


DAN

No, no, stay.


LYDIA

No, it’s cool. If you need to plan this, you know, plan away. I’m just …


DAN

Well, we can plan this later. The party’s not till Saturday.


LYDIA

To the group.

You sure?


MIKE nods, BROTZ shrugs. LYDIA settles back down. Pause.


BROTZ

So Dawa’s white house visit might not happen.


DAN

Oh my—no, no, we are not talking about this.


BROTZ

Why not? I think it’s interesting.


DAN

It’s total BS.


LYDIA

I think it’s pretty—well it’s kind of interesting.


BROTZ

What makes you say it’s BS?


MIKE

What does it matter?


DAN

Because he’s fucking Dawa.

Beat.

He—


BROTZ

That is his name.


DAN

He lost his legs fighting the Himalayan.


BROTZ

There were other people who fought the Himalayan.


DAN

The guy is the most bad-ass, bravest person in history. He didn’t just shoot at it with a gun, he lead a group of soldiers into it—and, he was the last one out. He only came out after they were sure it was dead, after he’d been in there for thirty-two fucking hours!


BROTZ

Well, I don’t know about that.


DAN

About what? That’s all proven fact.


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